For Goodness Sex by Al Vernacchio

Author:Al Vernacchio
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2014-08-12T16:00:00+00:00

It is not uncommon for my students to talk to me about their sexual orientation, especially if they are feeling confused. A ninth-grade girl in ripped jeans and rock band T-shirt came into my classroom one day and asked if we could talk.

“I want to figure out if I’m bi or not,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Well,” I said, “I’m not the one who can tell you that, but I’m happy to talk with you and listen to your thoughts.”

She told me she had been in love with a boy and had a somewhat sexual but definitely romantic relationship with him all during eighth grade. The relationship included making out and some touching of each other’s genitals (she burst into peals of laughter when I called that petting). They made a mutual decision to break up upon entering high school. Now she was finding herself sexually and romantically attracted to boys but also to some of her female friends. She knew that what she felt for her eighth-grade boyfriend was real, and she felt sure that these new feelings for girls were real too.

“I’m OK with being bi or even lesbian, if that’s what I really am,” she said. “I just want to be sure before I go telling people that. So, how do I know?”

“Do you think either the label bisexual or lesbian feels like it fits you right now?” I asked.

“Probably bisexual, if anything,” she said.

“Is being bisexual an OK thing according to your values?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Whatever I am is OK, and I know it’ll be OK with my parents and my friends. I’ve talked to my parents about this, and they suggested I come talk to you. I’m not freaked out or anything, Mr. V. I’m just trying to figure it out.”

“I can see you’re not freaked out, and I’m really glad you’ve talked with your parents and they don’t seem freaked out. I heard a possible answer to your question in what you just said. You’re trying to figure it out. That seems to be the most appropriate way to describe your orientation right now. You’re clearly open to whatever answer is going to emerge, but I don’t hear a clear answer now. Do you?”

“No,” she said. “So what am I? Bi-curious? Confused?”

“I wouldn’t say you’re confused; you don’t sound confused to me. You sound like you’re in a process of discovery. When we’re in that kind of process, I think the best we can do is stay open to the possibilities and see what truth emerges over time. If you feel you need to give yourself a label, you also have to be OK with the idea that it’s a ‘for-now’ label. It may shift—or it may not. You need more data. How about ‘questioning’? Does that fit?”

“No, because for me it’s not a wide-open question; it’s more of a fine-tuning. What if I said right now I feel bisexual?”

“Great. I think the most important thing is the ‘right now.’ Whatever answer you give to yourself

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